Sarah Space

Truck missed you

Doesn't he look happy to be back?

What he is really thinking is I wish mamma would get off this fucking diet and give me some real food.

Bad Dog

I am not suppose to be on the couch, but it is very comfortable.

I am not suppose to steal Momma's Dinner off the table. She left the room, how I to know she was coming back.

I am not suppose to growl at Momma's friends, even if they are men who I know are trying to steal her from me.

I am not suppose to eat Pasha's food. He should eat faster.

I am not suppose to scare the mail man. What the fuck is this man ding coming to my house everyday?

I am not suppose to sleep on Momma's cream bedding, but it is very comfortable.

I am suppose to be a good dog, but it is very hard.

At least you did not get peed on

I wrote this for another site while I was away. It is a bit dated, but I believe it to be a classic.

Everyone has a line that they will not cross, for me that has always been that has been no one pees on me. Well, now that line has been crossed and I will never be the same.

The new boy and Truck are still a little weary of each other. Truck can be a wee bit possessive and the new boy has had some issues with dogs. So while the new boy and I generally spend time together upstairs, Truck is locked down stairs which does not make Truck a happy dog. Last night after new boy went home, Truck and I curled up into bed together. Truck spent a long time sniffing around the bed and then proceeded to rub himself all the over sheets. I can only assume to replace the new boy smells with his own. When he finished with that he rubbed himself all over me. He used to do this when I came home from the poltroons.

After about an hour, he was apparently not satisfied. At which point, he stood up and peed all over me. I started screaming and rushing to pull the bedding off as I have featherbed and you can’t get pee out of a featherbed. The whole time I am screaming and carrying on, Truck stood next to the bed with most satisfied smug look I have ever seen on any male’s face.

Friday Dog Blogging

I will be away this weekend. In fact, I will be away when you read this. So I took the boys to the dog farm. Along the driveway at the farm is a horse pen, today the stallion was out. Well, you can imagine how excited Truck was to see him. When I arrive, they send at leat 2 people out to help wrangle the hounds from the car to dog areas. Truck was crazed with wanting to get at that horse. The head dog lady got Truck's leash before she opened the door. When that door opened Truck went flying towards the horse, but the dog lady is strong and Truck was yanked back to earth.

On a cold dreary autumn night

Imagine crawling into a freshly made bed with sheets right out of the dryer. Imagine a warm dog curled up at the end of bed. Then imagine another dog jumping on to that freshly made clean bed and dropping half a bird on it. Then imagine the dog fight that ensues over said half a bird.

Friday Dog Blogging

The hurricane has caused me do a lot of thinking about what I value and what I would do to keep what I value. These two are only things in my life I value. I know some may find this pathetic, but I need something to love more than myself and I love these dogs. I have created a DR plan for a flood, tornado, earthquake, chemical spill to get me and my boys out of town in one of three directions by car or on foot. I may buy a boat.

Truck's eyes are not really crazy like this

Friday Dog Blogging: Telling the boys about the move

Sarahspace: Boys we are moving to a new house this weekend. The new house is much nicer but the yard is not as big, but there is a huge park right next door for you to play.

Pasha: I don’t want to move. I like it here.

Truck: I’m ready; let’s go. I hate this dump.

Sarahspace: There won’t be a fence at the new house for a couple of weeks, so I will need you to be extra good.

Truck: Bitch, move! I want to go. NOW!

Pasha: What about Boots (neighbor dog)?

Truck: I fucking hate Boots.

Sarahspace: Boots is going to stay here, but I am sure you will make new friends.

Truck: Get your keys and let go.

Sarahspace: Truck if you don’t stop being such a wicked wee beastie, momma will be forced to sell you to gypsies.

Friday Dog Blogging

How can you not love this dog? He is so handsome and friendly. See his pretty smile.

Friday Dog Blogging

I took about 40 pictures of Pasha and the only one that turned out is the one where he is just about to fall asleep. He never stops moving.

Notice how handsome he is in his patriotic scarf.

More Doggie Adventures

Doggie Adventures
The boys went to the dog farm this weekend to be bathed and have a little vacation. The dog farm has expanded from 5 acres to 17 acres and they have more animals for the boys to interact with. Pasha really enjoyed the horses and chickens and spent most of his time following a wolf dog around. Truck spent the weekend trying to eat a goat. They told me Truck spent so much energy trying to get a goat that he passed out. I know they had a good time, because they did not want to leave and they both fell asleep in the car on the ride home.

Caught

I am pretty sure I walked in on them plotting to kill me.

Freedom

Last night, I was working in my studio and I heard Truck crying in the bedroom. I thought he just wanted me to lift him into bed, so I ignored him for a few minutes. When he did not stop, I went to investigate. He did not want to get on the bed, so I just patted him for a while and then went back to what I was doing. A while later, he came into the studio and laid down at my feet crying. I started to worry that he was sick and proceeded to check him out. He was fine. It was then I realized that I had not seen Pasha for a while, he usually comes and check on me when he in the backyard. I went out side and he was nowhere to be seen. I went full crazy, screaming and carrying on. I briefly thought Truck had killed him, but knew he had escaped. I went out front to see if he was milling there but he was nowhere to be seen. I heard some dogs barking in the distance and hopped in the car to find him. I live near a busy road and was terrified that a car had hit him. As I drove toward the barking dogs, Pasha turned the corner running at full speed and tail wagging. He looked happier than I have ever seen him in my life. He jumped in the car and I loved all over him and then yelled at him. He did not care, he had experienced freedom.

When we came back in the house, Truck took a swing a Pasha. Truck hits just like a man. Then turned and gave me this look that said "I told you the motherfucker took off."

A Tale of Two Dogs

Last night I made some rice crispy treats to satisfy a PMS crazy binge. This morning in light of day, I could not bear to the sight of the marshmallow treat. So I put the treats in a paper bag and set it on the back porch as treat for the boys. Pasha found the bag first and stuck his nose in the bag. However, Pasha’s snout is about 6 inches long, the bag was 10 inch deep. Pasha looked at the bag for about 15 seconds and then walked away. Shortly thereafter, Truck found the bag. Within 2 seconds the bag was destroyed and the remaining treats were in his belly. Pasha stared at Truck with disbelief.

Pasha Bey: Savage Beast

Last night it stormed here, but Pasha insisted on going outside. Truck who does not like getting wet, reluctantly went with him. After a few minutes, I heard Truck barking and called them inside. Truck immediately came running, he knows that if comes when I call, he will get a treat. Pasha who usually beats Truck in was nowhere to be seen. I called Pasha a few more time and nothing. I started to worry because it is not like Pasha to ignore me and went to get the flashlight to look for him. I figured he must have been struck by lighting was laying dead in the yard. I found Pasha with his ass in the air and head stuck in a pile of branches that fell from the trees. He had found something and was not leaving his find.

I decided to leave him outside for a bit while Truck and I retired to the warmth of the bedroom. After about 30 minutes, I went to check on him. He was waiting next to the door soaking wet, snout cover in mud and blood. At his feet, the remains of a squirrel. He was mighty upset that he could not bring his prize inside with him. However, his displeasure with me was short lived for as soon as Truck saw the bloody squirrel carcass, a dog fight supreme ensued. Truck got the neck and Pasha got a hind leg. Now, all this is taking place in the doorway from the porch to my kitchen and as the battle progresses they move into the kitchen. My hysterical scream were ignored as squirrel parts go flying. I had to spray them spray hose from the kitchen sink to get them to stop. Well, not stop exactly. Truck used Pasha’s surprise to grab the squirrel and run outside. He lost interest very quickly and came back in the house to nap.

Dogs Thoughts

Help Me! Look what this crazy woman has done to me.

mmmmmmmmmmm Hot Dog. Momma has a hot dog.

Paint is yummy.

Greetings from Truck

The boys went to the dog farm this weekend and they both got an A+. However, I am not sure that Truck deserved it. Apparently just before they left to come home after they got their bathes, Truck peed on Pasha's head.

Only a mother . . .

Truck knows that I am sick and I am pretty sure he is trying to kill me off. I am not sure why, everyone knows he is the alpha and I am lowest ranking member of our pack.

Joy of Dogs

Whether I have been from home for 10 minutes or 12 hours, Pasha sits in the window waiting for me. Sometimes he falls asleep, but as soon as he sees my car he perks his head up and his tail starts wagging. After he has confirmed that it is indeed I, he alerts Truck who prefers to nap on the couch. By the time, I get to the door they have worked themselves into a frenzy. Pasha’s tail wags so hard that his whole back waves from side to side. Truck shows his delight, by doing a dance. Truck jumps into the air ands twists, very similar to a bucking bull. Just a small part of the reason I love dogs.

Dogster

It seems that no one likes Truck. I do not understand. Pasha has had a Doster profile for less than 24 hours and already has 4 pup pals. Truck's has had profile for 6 months and no pup pals.

Truck's Page

Pasha's Page

Merry Christmas

These Pictures are from last year's disasterous trip to see Santa.

More Doggie Pictures

The reason I can't ever make my bed in the morning.

Sometimes Truck lets Pasha sleep on the bed too.

Dog Nipples

Getting back to real reason you visit this blog, tales of nipples. Granted this is not about my nipples but Truck’s. Yesterday, Truck and Pasha went to farm to get a bath and get all spiffed up. When they came home, I was told that Pasha was very good and got an A+. Truck got C-.

Truck has two nipples that are recessed. They are innies and often collected a lot of dirt. Every night I check his ears for dirt and occasionally check his nipples. As you can imagine Truck does not like having his nipples cleaned and often we have to wrestle. The groomer does not have cleaning nipples on her list of services, so last night I had to wrestle my fat hound so that he would be squeaky clean. I have a bruise on my leg the size of softball where he kicked me. The things I do for this dog!

Master of his domain

Momma thinks I look like a walrus, but I think she is a nutjob.

Celebrate

It is national dog week. If you do not have a dog of your own, you can participate by sending my dogs a gift. They like steak and enjoy terrorizing the innocent.

Conversations with Truck

Don’t be mad at me. I came home to be with you.

Why won’t you look at me? You are my number one man; no one will ever replace you. Please look at me.

Pasha loves me.

Momma has a treat! Oh, I knew that would get your attention.

I love you, too.

Conclusion: I am very pathetic.

Justice

I love this story, but justice would have been if the puppy shot the motherfucker in the head.

I hope the fucking bastard rots in hell.

Pash takes a nap

The Pits

I went out this evening, well, not really out. I went over to the BF’s house to watch some television shows that he Tivo’d for me while he worked on his car or some such thing. Anyway, when I came home I found a basket turned over on the floor and the red potatoes that were in it strewn about. As I was cleaning up, I noticed that basket holding the peaches was missing. I searched the house and found the basket in the dog room, peaches all missing. I think that there were 6 peaches left. I looked everywhere for the peach pits and then turned to Truck he looked back at me with his half guilty / half ‘fuck you’ look that screamed I ate the peaches. Knowing that peach pits contain cyanide, I panicked. I felt his belly but felt no obvious lumps. Then I ran to the internet to find out what I should do. It turns out peach pits contain only slight amounts of cyanide, but enough to kill a small dog. What about 6 pits? I called the vet (the man was foolish enough to give me a 24-hour emergency number) and he told me to watch him for a bit and if seemed sick to call him back. How am I to tell if he is sick?

It has been several hours and both dogs seem to be fine normal. I will keep you posted.

Being a working mom

I just got that dreaded call from the dog sitter. She comes every afternoon to let the boys out and to play for about a half-an-hour. She called to tell me that Truck is sick. Oh, my poor baby. I want to go home and comfort him, but I have to sit here and wait to get fired.

My True Love

I have to take a break from all this sex talk, I am just not that interesting to maintain that sort of conversation for too long. So we must get back to the real purpose of this blog, to publicly express my love for my dog. You must admit that he is the most handsome dog in all of dogdom.

Even though it is against the rules, Truck gets to sleep on the bed with me. He gets his own pillow. He often has doggie dreams in which I assume he is beating up other dogs to become the heavy weight fighting champion of the world. Sometimes I have to wake him up when he is snoring in my ear, but that does not happen to often. In the morning, he rolls over on his back and puts his head on my shoulder, so that I can rub his belly and tell him how handsome he is. Then he gives me a doggie kiss and we start our day. Him terrorizing the neighbors and me off to earn money to support him in the lifestyle in which he has become accustomed.

Supper time

Pasha’s dinner
-The tops of 5 lemon poppy seed muffins
-2 sticks of butter
-A bag of broccoli
-Momma’s leftover pasta from lunch yesterday
- 3 cups of premium dog food
-A bite of rice pilaf

Momma's dinner
-1 lemon poppy seed muffin
-A plate of rice pilaf minus the bite Pasha helped himself to.

My Boys

It has been a while since I subjected y'all to a picture of my sweet little lads

Head Wound

A picture is worth a thousand words, or in this case three.

Yum! A yard full of chicken nuggets

They are coming! For the next 6-8 weeks this blog will be dedicated to my hatred of Cicadas. The boys have spent the last few weeks digging them up and eating them, but I from the reports they should be out full blast in the next few days. I expect things to be especially bad at my house as I live in an old growth forest. I don’t know how I am going to keep the boys from eating them, especially Pasha. However, if any get in the house, Pasha will get steak treats for catching and eating them.

The problem is me

The first paragraph from the Truck training manual:
You must stop “adoring” him. Yes, you love him and he is simply one of the sweetest animals I’ve ever trained, but you can’t let him know that. For the training to work he must adore you and for now that just not the case. He loves you and wants to protect you because he thinks that you are his. This is the problem.

Only $20,000 for another Truck

I think it is worth it. My baby comes home Wednesday.

I am not sure how I will get by

Last night Truck crossed the line. The boy was over and he was lying down in a spot Truck usually occupies. Truck jumped on top off the boy, pinning him down. Truck was not being malicious; if he wanted he could have bitten the boy before I pulled him off. Truck was telling him that is my spot. It scared both me and the boy.

This morning I called the dog trainer. Truck is going through Alpha dog training starting tonight. It is a program that guard dogs go through before they go through the guard dog training. It is to teach Truck he is not a human, when it is over I will be able to take anywhere. I know this is the best thing I can do for him, but I can’t stop crying. I love Truck, I hate being without him. I also feel very guilty. Truck is the way he is because I have allowed him to run me.

Truck, Trained Assassin

Truck is going to camp to become a trained assassin either this week or next month, depending on the trainer’s schedule. He will need to stay at the camp for at least two weeks. I am not sure how I will deal with no Truck for 2 weeks. I know what you are thinking, but I think it is a good idea. The idea is that if he learns to kill on command, he won’t kill random people who come to the house. Good idea, no?

Note: Truck has never bitten anyone but me and is very sweet dog.

Party at my house

I came home from work last night to find this:

• A bottle of red wine laying broken on the floor
• An empty formerly dog-proof container for dog food on top of the coffee table.
• A sealed gallon of water seeping on to the carpet from giant teeth marks.
• Every cardboard box in the house torn to shreads.
• All but one curtain missing
• All the couch cushions on the floor
• The comforter from my bed in the hallway.
• Vomit on the side table
• Both dogs, who normally are trying to knock down the door to greet me, sitting on the shell of my couch just hanging out. Truck’s face stained red.

It was so bad that I could not react at all. I just set my stuff down, opened the back door and went to bed. Now at 3:15 am I have to deal with this mess. Today is Truck’s birthday. I was going to throw him a party, but it seems the boys threw their own party.

A Flasher

When I came home from work tonight, I found a flyer on the door from the neighborhood association. There is a flasher in my neighborhood. He is targeting little girls, but if I see him I will set the dogs on him. I have been showing Truck pictures of penises and telling him to attack.

Perhaps, this is why no one wants to date me.

He's practicing. (I'm not real good with a camera)

Why I love dogs

This is a great picture. I want a dog like that.

Heart Healthy Dogs

Last week I read that Adam Sandler’s bulldog, Meatball, died. I am not a Sandler fan, but I loved meatball’s movies. It seems that Meatball died of a heart attack at the age of 4. Truck is almost four. Bulldogs have bad health and while Truck is not a full bulldog, he does have a lifestyle similar to Louis XIV. So I have put him on a heart healthy diet and exercise plan. No more sharing my dinner with boys. This week Truck has to run up and down the street 3 times daily. Next week we will add another street to his run. Hopefully, we can get him up to a half mile. I want to get him down to his prime fighting weight of 89 pounds. Pasha gets lots of exercise, he spends hours chasing birds and squirrels, but he gets to run too. I could not handle losing my either of my boys.

Okay, Sparky, here's the deal

Sparky has to go. He is such a sweet dog and so friendly. He does not have any formal training (He does not know sit, stay, etc), but is house trained and very well-mannered. My mom suggested that I send Truck to the shelter and keep Sparky, but that ain’t gonna happen.

Unless someone offers to keep Sparky for the next week, he is going to the Pet Hotel, which means that I have to take the afternoon off work. Take him to the vet to get all his shots, then take him over the to the Pet Hotel, till next Sunday when he will go to the Animal Care Society as sponsored (by me) dog until he finds a loving home.

Sparky jumped the fence to get into my yard, I think this must mean, I am such a good doggy mom that dogs are breaking in just for me to take care of them. If I don't find Sparky's owner soon he is going to cost me a fortune. The next hound that breaks into my home is going to jail. Rehabilitation is just not cost-effective.

Annoyance #391: My new dog Sparky

It looks like I have another huge dog. I let the dogs out this morning and left the back door open to let some fresh air in the house since it warmed up to 45. About an hour later I heard all this barking in the kitchen and went to investigate. It was then I discovered a strange dog just hanging out with the boys. The new dog is an unfortunate looking German Shepherd mix, but appears to be of excellent temperament and in good health, if not a little thin. I some how managed to get him out of the house and spent an hour walking him around the neighborhood asking if anyone recognized him. No one did, so I brought him back home to find out what I could do about him. Unless I want to send him to the pound, I have to keep him for 7 days until the no-kill shelter will take him. I offered a bribe, but they said it was against the law.

Pasha and the new dog seem to be getting on well, but Truck has been his usual jerk self. Truck will not leave my side, as if he is guarding me and attacks Sparky if he gets too uppidity. I keep a bucket of water with me at all times to throw on them if they start fighting. I have to find this dog a home tomorrow, I am getting nothing done. It looks like I won’t be able to go see Win a date with Tad Hamilton tonight. Damn.

Pictures with Santa

During my week of doing many stupid things, the stupidest by far was taking the boys to get their pictures taken with Santa. Normally I do not take the boys out together for anything, but I wanted to get a photo with both of them and Santa. So I load them into the car and off we went to the Three Dog Bakery. They get very excited about going to places and by the time we parked I had two dogs in standing on my lap digging their nails into my legs and fighting with each other. It took about 10 minutes for us to get out the car without me breaking my arm or losing their leads, and then they were off. Right next door to the bakery is an antique store and Truck can open doors, you know where this is heading. In order to keep Truck out of the antique store I ended up on my ass with his lead wrapped around my body pulling with all my strength, while some man and his border collie laughed uproariously at me. The laughing distracted the boys enough for me to get free and get them into the bakery.

I chose the Three Dog Bakery because they have a separate room where they take the photos and no one is ever in there, except for this past Saturday when the place was full of little pugs and corgis and other small beasts. Pasha went wild wanting to play and Truck just wanted to terrorize. We had an appointment, but they decided to ignore appointments and taking the photos first come, first serve. Which meant Truck and Pasha had to wait in the presence of the other dogs. To make matters worse everyone wants to come up and play with Truck because he such an unusual looking dog. I gave Pasha to one Santa’s helpers and sat on the floor with Truck on my lap in a headlock. All was fine until a corgi came up to him and started barking at Truck, Truck is not a dog to let a challenge go past. He starts barking in his fierce scary dog bark and people start running to pickup their dogs. At this point I just wanted to go home, but they hustled us into the photo area, which was filled with more people who wanted to play with Truck. He went crazy wanting to meet everyone. He knocked over the backdrop, he stepped on the groin of the photographer’s assistant, he crushed the fake presents, he stole a bag of treats, while all this was going on Pasha was trying to kiss everyone. It was decided to take their pictures separately. Pasha went first, but he never stops moving, so his picture has some motion to it. While Pasha was getting his photo taken, I was trying to calm truck down with some relaxation techniques the doggie therapist taught us. This first requires getting Truck on side, not an easy task. In order to get Truck on his side, I have to get on the floor and wrestle with him; the whole time Santa is watching as my jeans slide down my ass. We finally get him to take his photo and they tell me the picture will be ready in 15 minutes. There is no way I can keep these two monsters in the store for 15 minutes, so I just took the boys home and came back for the photos.

When I came back everyone was very nice to me, telling me that a lot of dogs act the way Truck does (most dogs are not Truck’s size). The pictures actually turned out pretty good, but I was so embarrassed. I spent a fortune on dog treats to make up for it. Money always smoothes over bad behavior.

The most horrible smell ever

I bought a new fancy vacuum cleaner this weekend, it is self-propelled and has lots of attachments. I have been vacuuming everything. The house is spotless and I was pleased that for once the house did not smell of dog. When I returned home this evening, I opened the door to the most horrific smell ever. My first thought was the boys had died and decomposed in the 4 hours I was gone. Then I saw that they had knocked over the trash and the containers of leftover Indian food I had last night were on the floor and clean. Truck has what might be described as a sensitive stomach, which results in a gas problem under normal circumstances. Indian food really does not agree with the dogs. I may make them sleep outside tonight.

House Rules

Momma is not a good driver and appreciates the offer of assistance, but it is difficult to drive when a large beast is in your lap. Everyone must stay in his assigned seat.

As you both are underage, you are not allowed partake in the drinking of bourbon, even if momma falls asleep and the bottle is on the floor.

Momma is uncomfortable in the presence of penises and therefore they should be kept from sight at all times.

When you kill an innocent creature outside, you are not permitted to bring the torn remains inside to show momma, especially if she is still abed.

When Momma is kissing a boy, like the tree man (who never called), you are not run at full speed into his side knocking him into the kitchen cabinets. I know you are playing, but sometimes your beautiful smiles are taken for a snarls.

And for Christ’s sake, stay off the goddamn coffee table!

My death wish

Today was one of those days where the ex was inflicting his pain and I was letting it get to me. Then on the advice of my internet boyfriend, who told me to stop being so damn depressing and blog happy (I am paraphrasing here), I decided that I needed an adrenaline kick. I considered going over to my favorite bar and picking up some bored businessman, but I am cutting back on floozy behavior. So I went home and took Pasha for a run. I am not much of a runner and I haven't eaten since Tuesday, after 2 miles I ended throwing up water on the side of the road. But this is what I needed to change my depression into anger, which I took out on Truck.

Don't worry, I did not hurt my baby, but we did wrestle until I was exhausted. I am sure I will be black and blue tomorrow. The thing about wrestling Truck is that I know he could seriously injure me if I made a mistake. He would not hurt me on purpose, but he is 100 pounds of muscle breed to fight. I rarely play rough with the boy because I do not want to encourage any sort of aggressive behavior in him, but sometimes rolling around on the floor with him so satisfies this death wish that I have. I always feel better after I do something that could potentially kill me.

Sick Dog

I am trapped under 100 pounds of vomiting hound. Truck has been sick all night and he refuses to get off my lap. Poor boy. Off to the vet, just when I finally got the all the vomit out of the upholstery in my car from the last dog illness.

Running out of ideas

Halloween is next week and I have no ideas what to dress the dogs as. (You had to know that I am the kinda nut job who would dress her dogs up.) I thought of making Truck a biker outfit and Pasha a police dog, but there is something not right about a dog wearing leather. Then I thought about making an actual Truck costume and making Pasha a Turkish general costume, but I do not think people would get it. I could make Pasha be Truck and Truck into Pasha, but it is rather hard to make Truck look sleek. I may not know what they are going to be, but I am certain we are going to win the best dog costume contest at the local dog restaurant.

Buying my way into Heaven

Continuing in the theme of the day: Behave like a total boor. Tonight, I discovered it is still possible to buy one's way into heaven.

I am not the religious sort, but I heard that you could get your pets blessed by priest. While I am willing to take my chances with eternal damnation, but I am not willing to risk my boys' fate. So I called up the local church and asked if could set something up and the lady told me to come over after mass on Thursday night.

I put the boys on their leads and we walked on over. I was even on time and there were a few of those people who that hang out after mass to kiss up to the priest. Truck was in one his rare bad moods and I was a little concerned with so many people about. I gave Pasha to one of ass-kissers to hold onto so I could focus on keeping Truck under control. The priest, Father John, was this cool guy who looked like Ice Cube. He blessed Pasha and Pasha gave him a kiss in return. Truck was not happy. My mom may be right; Truck may be a devil dog. I figure it is probably bad karma if your dog bites a priest, so I tightened Truck's head collar and wrestled him on to his side, then sat on him to hold him still. I believe that the priest was a little frightened, but he was able to bless Truck without being bitten and when the Holy Water touched Truck, his skin did not burn. Good sign.

Afterwards, while chatting with the ass-kissers and Father John. Someone one wanted to know why it was so important to me to have my dogs blessed. I told them how every night I tell the boys that I love them no matter what they do and that all dogs go heaven. So I wanted to make sure that my dogs had extra points in heaven. They thought I was joking, I wasn't. When one of the ass-kissers had the nerve to say to me "Dogs can't go to heaven." After giving him a scathing look, I replied "The Franciscans are not so sure about that." The ass-kisser looked to Father John to settle the matter, who is a Jesuit. Jesuits can argue anything suit their own purposes. He was very diplomatic about the whole discussion, until I finally asked "Will $500 get my dogs in heaven?" Suddenly, Father John was sounding very much like a Franciscan.

Such a bad mom

I took the boys to park yesterday and I noticed that the other dogs are some much better behaved than mine. As I was wrestling Truck away from a another dog and tried to get Pasha out of the creek, it occurred to me that the problem might be me. I am a bad dog mom.

Fate?

I think fate is telling me that I need another dog. Yesterday, 3 different people people asked me if I would take another dog. I could afford and love 3 dogs, but I am also afraid of becoming the crazy dog lady. I talked this over with boys. Pasha was all for another friend. Truck made clear that another dog would not be tolerated, so no more dogs for me.

A Warning

I understand there is a plot to poison my dog and forcibly move me to New York. I will never forgive any one who harms my baby. Love me, love Truck.

Doggie Yoga

Holy Fuck! Is this not the best idea ever? What are the odds that Crunch will open a gym in this town and offer Ruff Yoga. I would have to take Pasha, Truck thinks that downward facing dog is a submissive position and attacks me, which only makes me love him more.

I miss my dogs...

I miss my boys. I am exhausted and covered in huge bruises that I have no idea how I got. I am tired of listening to people babble on. Please just shut the fuck up.

How does anyone get dog vomit out of a laptop?

Any ideas? Anyone want a dog?

Happy Birthday Truck!

3 years ago today in the middle of East Texas my baby was born. In celebration, Truck and I spent the day doing some of his favorite things. We went to the 3 Dog Bakery for a birthday brownie. Then to the vet where we found out that Truck has lost 6 pounds and now only weighs 106 pounds. On to White Castle's for hamburgers for my boy. Finally to the park where we scared other dog owners by our mere presence. Woof! Woof!

A Tip

5 day old Taco Bell leftovers should never be consumed by dogs.

You, too, can have your very own Truck

People often wonder why a delicate ladylike woman such as myself would own such a massive dog as Truck. Well, I bought him for an ex-boyfriend and when we broke I could not part from the dog. So, I took him back and the two of us ran half way across the country. I always thought Truck was a breed that some guy made up in his backyard, but there are others like him. Maybe Truck would like a sister?

Unconditional Love

A couple of weeks ago I took my dogs to the best kennel in the state of Kentucky, The Pet School and Hotel. When I picked them up from their 4 day stay, they were cold and distant. I thought that they were mad at me for leaving them. I was worried when I had to take them back for Christmas. If Truck does not want to move, he does not move.

We arrive at the Pet Hotel and the dogs tried to climb over me in their zeal to get into the Pet Hotel. As it turns out, they were not mad at me for leaving them, they were mad I picked them up.

Lonely

I had to take the boys to kennel tonight since my plane leaves early in the morning. This is the first time in almost 3 years that I have been home without Truck. I know he is just a dog, but it is really creepy here without him.

Now y'all can make fun of me for putting a picture of my dog on my blog.

Overreacting

It is common knowledge that I love my dogs.  Last night, we had a thunder storm.  It was not bad, but the TV weather people overreacted.  I was not at home at the time and proceed to imagine that one or several of the huge trees in my yard fell on the house killing my dogs.  

I sometimes wake Truck up when he is sleeping to make sure that he is still alive.

My dog is an asshole.

I have two dogs, Truck and Pasha. Pasha is a sweetest dog I have ever known. All he wants is for me to be happy and to chase squirrels. Truck is an asshole. He is self-centered, manipulative and just a jerk.

Mothers claim to love their children equally, but we all know that is not true. I try to love them equally, but Truck is my baby.

Maybe I am the asshole.