The world’s worst dog? I don’t think

Everyone is all buzz about this book Marley and Me: life and love with the world’s worst dog. I think that Truck would give this Marley a run for his money for the title of world’s worst dog. Marley sounds an awful lot like truck except Truck is a monster. I should write a book about Truck.

For My Birthday

BFF: J has his heart set on getting a birthday gift for you.

Me: Oh, I hope it is my own blood detecting kit.

Just my fucking luck

I am allergic to sperm. I am not allergic to it if it gets on my skin, my hair, my eye, or even in my mouth, but allergic I am none the less. I did not know about this allergy until recently due to all the years of practicing safe sex practices. wink wink Anyway, I won’t give you all the gross details but it has something to do with chemistry: bases, acids, ph levels and other such nonsense. All I know is that it very annoying and for a girl with my new hobbies damn inconvenient.

Bad Dog

I am not suppose to be on the couch, but it is very comfortable.

I am not suppose to steal Momma's Dinner off the table. She left the room, how I to know she was coming back.

I am not suppose to growl at Momma's friends, even if they are men who I know are trying to steal her from me.

I am not suppose to eat Pasha's food. He should eat faster.

I am not suppose to scare the mail man. What the fuck is this man ding coming to my house everyday?

I am not suppose to sleep on Momma's cream bedding, but it is very comfortable.

I am suppose to be a good dog, but it is very hard.

At least you did not get peed on

I wrote this for another site while I was away. It is a bit dated, but I believe it to be a classic.

Everyone has a line that they will not cross, for me that has always been that has been no one pees on me. Well, now that line has been crossed and I will never be the same.

The new boy and Truck are still a little weary of each other. Truck can be a wee bit possessive and the new boy has had some issues with dogs. So while the new boy and I generally spend time together upstairs, Truck is locked down stairs which does not make Truck a happy dog. Last night after new boy went home, Truck and I curled up into bed together. Truck spent a long time sniffing around the bed and then proceeded to rub himself all the over sheets. I can only assume to replace the new boy smells with his own. When he finished with that he rubbed himself all over me. He used to do this when I came home from the poltroons.

After about an hour, he was apparently not satisfied. At which point, he stood up and peed all over me. I started screaming and rushing to pull the bedding off as I have featherbed and you can’t get pee out of a featherbed. The whole time I am screaming and carrying on, Truck stood next to the bed with most satisfied smug look I have ever seen on any male’s face.

The Return

I have been convinced to come back. I stopped blogging because I felt that people in my real life were making way too much of it. I felt uncomfortable. Well, it turns out most of the people who made a big deal of my blog don’t really like me, so what do I care anyway. Actually, I care a lot, but I am ignoring it. I miss it too much.

Hook ‘em Horns!