Reminder to self: He’s a motherfucker

While for the most part I am over the poltroon, I still miss him. I think that I need to write about him finally so that I can move on. He did not like me to write about him, because I think he was afraid that I would reveal his sex secrets. I am not sure why it mattered, his last girlfriend described their sex life on a billboard on I-65. Besides he was rather conventional, truth be told, except for that one really freaky thing. Anyway, so why is he a coward? Basically we got into a political debate (fight) one night at the Applebees (the nicest restaurant he ever took me) and he got mad at me and then refused to ever talk to me again. “I just can’t talk to you.” It was our first and only fight. Only 12-year olds and he think that just never calling is an acceptable way to end a relationship. I loved him and he did not even like me enough to even talk to me. I have left out the part of the story that is really awful.

So when I start to miss him, I try to remind myself what a selfish asshole he is. This list is just a sampling.

• When I got fired, he did not offer to take me out and try to make me feel better. He invited me over to his house to watch him wash his car.


• In the 16+ months that we dated, he gave me 3 compliments. “Why do you look so nice?”, “You are the only girl in here who’s not ugly.” and a “You look nice” with no backhand.


• He lived about 35 minutes from me and he came to my end of town 4 times while we were together. Now it is true that I rarely invited him over, but the 4 times he did come to my house he complained for weeks afterward about how much he hated my part of town and how inconvenient it was to drive all that way.


• He told me one night that I should never have children because I would be a horrible mother.


• When I broke my elbow and I called him from the emergency room hoping that he would come and sit with me so I wouldn’t have to be alone. But he asked “Well, what do you want me to do about it? I am working on the ’84 (one of his cars).” So, I sat in that ER alone and in pain for hours.

I just want to forget him. I just want to make it through a day and not want him back.

Austin

HereIType and I went on a very very short trip to Austin this weekend. I do love Austin, but I remember why I left. The city makes me feel fat and stupid.

A Conversation with a Pervert

Me: Hello
Pervert: Is Charlene there?
Me: Sorry you have the wrong number.
Pervert: I paid you $50, can I have a pair of your shoes.
Me: No
Pervert: I just want to smell them, can I buy a pair of your shoes?
Me: No
Pervert: For $50 you won’t sell me your shoes?
Me: No
Pervert: Why?
Me: Because my shoes cost more than $50.
Pervert: How about $100?
Me: Most certainly not.
Pervert: How about $200?
Me: Not enough
Pervert: How about $500?
Me: What kind of shoes do you prefer?

I am traveling this morning and that is the only reason I got up at 5 AM. I had forgotten how much I fucking hate the public. If you get off the moving sidewalk and stop, you deserve the kick in the back of shin I gave you.

Friday Dog Blogging

I will be away this weekend. In fact, I will be away when you read this. So I took the boys to the dog farm. Along the driveway at the farm is a horse pen, today the stallion was out. Well, you can imagine how excited Truck was to see him. When I arrive, they send at leat 2 people out to help wrangle the hounds from the car to dog areas. Truck was crazed with wanting to get at that horse. The head dog lady got Truck's leash before she opened the door. When that door opened Truck went flying towards the horse, but the dog lady is strong and Truck was yanked back to earth.

The Psychic

A friend gave me the name of her psychic the other day and I thought what the hell, I should try her out.  Here is what she said and we will see what happens.

• I have had dramatic changes in my life over the last few months


• 2006 will be a good year for me


• That I will have a new home in 2006 ( I was really unhappy about this because I really do not want to move again, but I am hoping that can be viewed liberally) but the move will have something to do with work


• She does not see any man in my life right now, but she someone in the shadows.


• I have 'gorgeous eyes with great sadness' in them


• She was very insistent that I should focus my creativity towards writing. I told her I did not like to write, I preferred to sew. She told me to forget sewing and write a screenplay.


• Sometime in the next 3 months, I will meet a man. He will be 5'11", with dark hair. He will be a musician or tied to the music industry. I said "Great, another man I will have to support." She said that hears music, so took that to mean sometime in the next 3 months, i will hook up a loser in bar. It will on a night when I don't want to go out, but do anyway.

I have started a little update on Sarahspace in honor of my three year anniversity. So if things look a little weird for a while just ignore it.

There is this new show on ABC called Hot Properties about 4 single real estate agents. I only got to see about 15 minutes this week, but it does nothing to disprove my belief that all real estate agents are whores.

Sarahspace, Drunk

Saturday night I went to see Dracula with some friends. My married friends hosted drinks and dinner before the play. I was late, as usual, and found that I had some drinking to do to catch up with the rest of the party. I had a couple of glasses of whisky at their house. A drink on the way to theatre (I was not driving). The play was good, but the Knob Creek at Intermission was better. Then we went back the house and had a couple of more glasses of whisky. We were going to go to a bunch of haunted houses, but decided to go a dive bar and drink more. Shared a bourbon on the way to the bar. I had at least 2 more Jack Daniels on the rocks at the bar. Everyone in the party felt me up, I kissed a girl to prove that boys are stupid, and smoked so many cigarettes that I couldn’t talk on Sunday. A good time was had by all.

As I was headed to work this morning, I noticed a sign in the yard of the house at the corner that said “Proletarian War Art for Sale” and on the porch was quite possibly the worst painting I have ever seen in my life. I will try to get a picture after work. But I have to say I love my neighborhood.

So clean, yet so dirty

Let me honest with you. I do not have an overly taxing occupation, however, it pays well and I enjoy it. I really like the company I work for and do not mind going beyond what is normally required. That said, this morning, a female co-worker and I spent the morning scrubbing floors on our hands and knees. Before you get all outraged at the sexism of this, we volunteered. I because the other tasks required heavy lifting something I avoid at all costs. The more we cleaned, the dirtier we got. Perhaps that is why we sexual harassed some strange men in suits.

I still smell of Pine-sol. My body aches. I really need a shower.

Crazy vs. Thin

My cold is gone and while I am not nearly as crazy, unfortunately, my appetite came back. If have to choose between crazy or weight gain, crazy wins every time. After all, I don’t mind being crazy, it is everyone else who has to deal with me who mind.

It used to be that I had no secrets. I shared everything here. There is something incredibly freeing telling the world your secrets, well that is no longer the case. I have all kinds of secrets. I hate them and they are eating away at me. I can’t share my feelings because they will hurt other people if I do. I can’t talk to my friends because they really do not want to hear it. I can only hope they do kill me. Perhaps, I am just being melodramatic due to being numb from too much cold medicine and psychiatric drugs.

On a cold dreary autumn night

Imagine crawling into a freshly made bed with sheets right out of the dryer. Imagine a warm dog curled up at the end of bed. Then imagine another dog jumping on to that freshly made clean bed and dropping half a bird on it. Then imagine the dog fight that ensues over said half a bird.

A Tip from Sarahspace to You

Never take several kinds of cold medicine and then send out emails to friends, co-workers or boys. When your head starts spinning might be a good time to put down the computer and go to bed.

My Luck

Just as I am ready to take on the world I get a fucking cold.

A Secret

I make the best scrambled eggs in the world and the key is using whipped cream cheese.

Fuckin’ Repair Man

I get this call at 11:58 telling me the air conditioning repair guy is on his way. So I rush home. At 2, I call to find out where he is and I am told I am his next stop. At 4, I call again and they say he has just left for you house. It is now 4:45 and the repair went home.

I did get a lot of work done. I think better when I don’t feel like I am on display in a horrible cube. But I did have to take lots of breaks to scream at the beasts to stop being bad. I swear, I will send truck to live with gypsies if he does not stop barking at the window.

UPDATE: He showed up 28 hours late.

Mont-Tremblant

I do not like to ski. I do not like the cold. I do not like mountains. But I have this wild hair about going to Mont-Tremblant, I just think I should go there.