Weather

It is july. Why is so fucking cold? It is 78 degrees. I had to turn the heater on last night.

I am pretty sure that I could take over the world if I could just stick to a plan and learn to tell time.

Going Home

After I dropped HereIType off at the airport in Cincinnati, I went home. I was pretty hostile to my mom last time she visited and I think she may have gotten the idea that I do not appreciate the criticism. Not one fat comment. Mom and I spent the day going to museums and shopping and I was reminded how much a like we are.

My favorite moment of the day was when I was trying on these great boots I had bought with a tweed dress I was considering returning.

Me: What do you think?
Mom: I really like the boots. You know what you need to get to go with that getup?
Me: hmm?
Mom: A whip

Dad was also was extra great. He washed my car, took it to get a ealignment and filled up the gas tank.

I am not the only one

I thought I was the only one who had a bruise fetish, but Cowboy Sally shares my fascination. I too bruise very easily. When Truck was a puppy, he had a hard time learning not to bite me, I would have huge bruises all over my arms and legs. They were beautiful purple, blue and red shapes. Everyday they would change color and shape. No one believed that I was getting the bruises from Truck, because C was such an abusive jackass. I use to take pictures of the bruises, but C destroyed them all. He thought that I was going to use them against him. It is weird that I never got a bruise from him.

Now I only get bruises when I fall, walk into a wall, truck steps on me, drop a weight on my leg at the gym, etc. My favorite bruises are bite marks, I especially love it when you can see the teeth marks. Yes, I know how sick that is.

Lookin' Good Naked

I am not sure when this happened but I think I look better naked than I do dressed. I always think that I need to lose weight, but right now I am rather pleased. Maybe the all the working out and yoga is paying off.

My Gym

I go this gym that is frequented by bodybuilders, strippers and me. It does wonders for my self-esteem. I have been going to this gym since I moved to Louisville and before tonight no one has ever spoken to me. Tonight, I talked to a guy about body sculpting surgery. What a fucking good idea, I suggested that he try it and let me know how it goes. I then gave this guy advise about cycling steroids and gave him the name of some good books on the subject.

Grandparents

While doing some cleaning I found two pictures of me with my paternal grandparents taken in 1979. I do not remember meeting them, I just vaguely remember being trapped in a car for days while we drove there. I am not even sure that I know what their names were. They lived in Denver and my parents always thought traveling was not worth the hassle. Dad would stop in Denver when went to Japan, but we never went. I only remember their deaths because I remember what my dad was doing at the time my grandfather died sometime in the 80s, while dad was in Hong Kong and my mother was in a panic because she could not reach him. My grandmother died the day my dad bought me my Jeep. Only my dad went to the funerals.

While I was in Texas my dad and I had a rare conversation. (We only talk about the dogs now, since I got upset that he used to only asked about my weight) He told me that he was worried that I would get married and start a family in Texas and he would rarely get to see me. He knew how hard it is to be so far from your family.

My parents tell me that I am very much like my grandmother. She apparently was overly dramatic with tacky tastes and a fondness for gadgets.

Dog Revenge

For a dog, Truck is an evil genius. Lately, I have actually been leaving my house and I went out Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. Truck does not like to left behind and since he is a bad dog, he has to stay in his room, so that he only destroys one room. But I have not had time to clean his room from the last rampage he went on so I left him in my bedroom. When I came home, my baby had uprooted all the plants in the room, by knocking them off their stands, then it looks like he grabbed them at the base and shook until all the soil had flung off the roots and nothing of the plant was left. He opened the closet door before he did this, so all my clothes are covered in dirt. Thank God he cannot get on the bed, so only comforter is ruined. I love my boy.

No Taste

I had to go to a specialty upholstery store yesterday to get supplies for my living room redo project. While I was in the shop, a couple came in with a set of fabulous antique dining room chairs. They were upholstered in the a beautiful silk brocade. The woman at the shop told me they were worth at least $1000 apiece, they brought in 8 chairs. The wife explained that she had just inherited a dining room set and wanted to have them re-upholstered to match her couch. Everyone has different tastes so I could understand wanting to change the beautiful fabric, I wouldn't, but I do understand. However, this dumb bitch asks the shop lady to see what is available in vinyl and fake leather.

Nooooooooooooo. The shop lady and I had one of those moments, where two strangers cannot believe what they have just witnessed. The tasteless dumb bitch decides that green vinyl is the best thing. Not a deep rich green, but grass green shiny vinyl is what these beautiful chairs need. I thought I was going to be sick.

Have I mentioned how much dating fucking sucks? But what other activity can provide me with the constant rejection that I crave so much.

Today I look like June Cleaver, but feel more like her porn star twin.

Impulsive spending

The other day I was able to watch a couple of episodes of Trading Spaces, that I have been sorely missing since I gave up cable. I now remember why I had to give up the show, because this morning I decided that I hated my living room and was going to change the whole thing. After work on a mad shopping binge, I bought new window treatments and all the accouterments that go with that, new picture frames for my pictures of beheadings, material to reupholster everything, stain for the wood furniture, and too many other little things to count. I will probably hate it next week and start again.

Theme Week

Monday : Candy Striper
Tuesday : Fat Russian Housewife
Wednesday: A Nun

Who will I be tomorrow?

Topsy-Turvy

I picked up two books that I have been anxiously awaiting from the library at lunch. The newest book in Suzanne Brockmann's Navy Seals in love series, Gone to Far and a reprint of Hernado De Soto's The Other Path, The economic answer to terrorism. I am already halfway through The Other Path. What is happening to me that I would choose to read an economics book over a romance novel?

Being a muse is not as fun as I thought it would be.

Am I to be murdered in my bed?

Last night about 2:30 in the morning, I woke up hearing the dogs barking and growling in the front room. My first reaction was annoyance, and then I panicked when I heard voices. People were in my yard! Do I get dressed, find my phone and go investigate or hide under the covers and stay in bed? I took too long to decide. The dogs had scared away the people while I was debating my options. Pasha came checked on me and then after a few minutes he came back and told me all was clear. He is just like Rin Tin Tin, except for not being very smart. Truck was pissed and continued to growl and carry on for a half hour or so. I gave the boys treats and stayed up all night scared. This morning I took Truck with me on my morning run instead of Pasha, I did not see any evidence of evil-doers. Looking back on the incident, I think I could have handled it better.

Phone Calls from the ex

C: Hey Bear
Me: I told you not call me anymore.
C: static...I cut my dreads.
Me: You did what?
C: Do you have my dreads from the last time I cut them?
Me: What?
C: Did you save them?
Me: I was not there. Remember, you cut them when you thought you were going back to prison and took a break from me to fuck Cami and Sparrow.
C: I really need them. There is guy who can weave them back into my hair.
Me: Don't call me anymore.

Louisville is the 8th most literate city! It appears the excellent library system was a major factor.

Points to Remember

I should never ever publicly yell at the only person on the planet who could actually blackmail me.

When I behave badly do not apologize for making me angry, it makes me hate you.

Redneck Entertainment

Last night, I spent the evening at the Sportsdrome Speedway in Clarksville, attending Figure 8 and Street Stock racing. Oh, how I wish I had my camera, because I do not believe that I can adequately describe the redneck beauty of the event. The street stock racing was a little boring after the first few races, imagine NASCAR without the elegance or class normally associated with the sport. However, the Figure 8 racing was pure joy. Figure 8 racing is auto racing but instead of an oval, the cars race in a figure 8, as the race progresses the cars spread out and intersect in the center of the figure 8. Apparently, last night was a particularly good night, because they a higher than average number of crashes. I understand that they also do this with school bus, I will take my camera to that.

The Zoo

While I do not like the idea of animals being held captive, I have to admit that I love zoos and I'd much rather see an animal living in a zoo than be hunted to extinction. My mom and I use to go the Cincinnati Zoo every summer from when I was toddler until I moved to Texas. Mom believes that zoos teach children to respect and appreciate animals and maybe one day those children will grow up and not be as ignorant as their parents. Those were some of my most favorite days.

I really want to go the zoo. We have a nice little zoo here, maybe I will go this weekend.

Just One Cigarette

Last night, I met G for drinks at the Red Lounge. It was hipster night, complete with Trucker hats and all. As usual, I fit right in with my twin set and pearls. I am glad that I have strict policy against sex with ex-boyfriends, because last night I was reminded why I liked G. He suggested that I start doing drugs again, tried to get me very drunk and when I resisted, he applied the pressure to just smoke one cigarette. I have never been a serious smoker, sometimes I just like to have something to do with my mouth and hands. Besides, I am not a very good breather, so the inhaling is not very natural for me. Anyway, I caved and had just one cigarette. Today I feel like I have the flu.

Day with my Parents

"You were such a beautiful girl before you started putting on weight." *

"Well, I guess that you have just accepted that your house will never be clean with those dogs."

"Mom, I am sure he did not throw up on you on purpose."
"It is a miracle, your car is actually clean. Oh, no there is some dog hair on the back of dad's seat."

"He was not trying to bite you. If wanted to bite you he would have, Truck does not miss. He was just telling you to be nicer to me."

*I am sure y'all think I am huge, but I feel the need to inform you, I am 5'6" and weigh 138 pounds. Is it any wonder I have a problem with food?

A little update

My parents are coming to visit on Tuesday, so for the past 3 days I have been reducing my already low self-esteem down to nothing, so that my mother will have nothing to crush. I have been alternating between cleaning frantically and binge eating.

Why are people so mean to me?

This morning as I walked to my desk someone asked me "Have you noticed that everyone has found somebody for them? Even that homeless guy on the belvedere has a woman. Why can't you find someone?" See why I hate my job.

Baby Explosion

I think I understand how babies come to be, I believe that it has something to do with sex and these babies are necessary for the continued survival of the species. However, I do not really have much interest the subject, so I may be wrong. All I know is how to prevent babies, thus I am surprised by all the people around me that who are pregnant. One day in distant future, I want to have a baby. Babies change everything. You can't drink or do drugs for a long time. You can not put them in a cage and go to Tahiti for the weekend. Worst of all babies cost a lot of money that could be better spent on shoes. So I will try to be happy for you, but I don't really get it.