My New Yard Boy

This week I have been interviewing landscapers to do something with my front yard and maybe build a dog wonderland in the back. I have met with a jackass landscape architect who was frightened by the boys, a pompous creep who told me that he does use "any of them mexicans", an organic landscaper who praised my desire for a grass-free yard, a nice lady who bored me, and a really hot guy who took off his shirt. Guess who I am hiring?

Have I mentioned how much I love Mexican Pharmacies?

I Got A Raise!

Whoo Hoo, now I can go buy a cup of coffee.

I am not a real good friend. I try to be good, but I really am quite selfish. Do you remember G? The boy I broke my 3-year celibacy with last year, but who ended up driving me crazy. I didn't mention it here but we broke up several months ago. If I had been upset about it, I would have mentioned it ad nauseam. Anyway, we made plans to have dinner and see a movie last night and I even wanted to go. But... my allergies have been really bad and I left work early so that I could take a nap. I took the phone off the hook and went to sleep for 4 hours, then got up and forgot to call G. He finally calls around 8:30 and is pissed. I apologize and feel bad, but I am not going to open a vein about it.

When I am going to get fired?

I am supposed to be at work by 9 am everyday, today I arrived at 11:03. Attended a brief meeting, then read the last hundred pages of LaCucina, which was just a romance novel, but marketed as a work of literature, so literary snobs can continue to feel superior. I went for a long lunch, and then told my boss I was leaving early and taking tomorrow off. I am not loving my job right now.

Time Change

Starting in the fall, I am no longer going to participate in Daylight Savings Time. It is too complicated.

I can't stand Jessica Lynch

I am not sure why I cannot stand Jessica Lynch, the rescued POW, but she and her story bother me. The first time I saw a story on her when she was just a POW, something about her bothered me. I thought it was because she was so young and cute. Now that she has been rescued and splashed all over the media. I want to kick the TV every time I see her. Something about her just makes me cringe. I'll think about it some more and let you know.

Mrs. Peter Jennings

I want more than anything to be the 5th Mrs. Peter Jennings. I am ashamed to admit this but since the start of the war, I watch ABC all the time, just in case Peter comes on TV. From my extensive research, I have found out the 65-year anchorman is intelligent, liberal, arrogant, and a womanizer. My ideal man. I am just bidding my time until his current wife leaves.

I'm Back

I actually took a vacation from work and the computer for four whole days. It was great, here is what I did: I built a leaf compost, raked many leaves, put a screen door on the back door, built and stained shelves, cleaned the house, washed the floors (except for the kitchen), took the dogs out for hamburgers, made a screens for my bedroom windows, finally watched O Brother, Where Art Thou?, entertained a boy, watched Secretary, slept a lot, saw the first half Aida (the Disney musical) which was so offensive, I threw up during intermission. Caleb, thank you for the tickets. The second best thing that I did on my mini-vacation was read the new Laurell K. Hamilton book twice; Anita has sex with two vampires and a werewolf in this one. The best thing I did this weekend, the aforementioned boy.

Bitch, Shut the Fuck Up!

For most of my career, I have only worked only with men. This has not been a problem, but I have noticed that men are always looking for "cat fights" between women. If I disagree with another woman, it is a catfight, whereas if I disagree with a man, I am pointing out a potential problem. This drives me crazy, I have always gone out of my way to help and encourage other women when I work with them. I refuse to be negative about another woman and hate to see any "cattiness" in other women at work. That said, there is this woman on my floor who does nothing but negatively gossip about her female co-workers. Every time she walks up to one of the guys, I want to strangle her and tell the stupid bitch to keep her mouth shut. But that would be counter-productive, so I just vent here.

Arm Wrestling

I have never been very strong. Even when I was working out with Jesse, my personal trainer in Texas (He was so beautiful that I actually got at 5 am to workout), it took 3 months before I could bench press the bar without help. I can't change a tire. I can't lift either of dogs. I have trouble with doors to my building. I have always been able to think my way around my lack of strength, so it does not bother me. Besides, what would men do, if not lift heavy things? They need to feel needed too. That is why I am trying not let it bother me that I was so easily defeated in the DBA Arm Wrestling Competition at work this afternoon. We really do work hard.

I Hit a New Low

Last night I could not sleep; I tossed and turned for hours. I searched everywhere for sleeping pills. I checked every handbag I have carried in the last six months. I checked in all my secret drug caches. None. Then I remembered Truck's medicine cabinet. Yes, my dog has his own medicine cabinet. He is allergic to everything and I have stash of drugs for emergencies. When Truck breaks out in hives, I have to shove 4 Benadryl down his throat to hold him over until I can get him to the dog hospital. Last night I stole my dog's Benadryl so I could go to sleep.

I felt so bad that I stopped on my way to work to replace Truck's medicine and buy myself some over-the-counter sleeping pills until I can get some real drugs.