Everyone has Valentine’s Day horror stories and the topic seems to be on everyone’s mind these days. It has been nearly a decade since I last celebrated the occasion, my two previous boyfriends being of the selfish jackass variety. Of course, I have to hand it The Poltroon for his absurd reason for not getting me anything for Valentine’s Day. You see he believed that he should not be forced by society (or the man) into expressing any sort of emotion in regards to another human being. He believed that the one time he picked up some old clothes at a thrift shop for a quilt I was creating was tantamount to a declaration of love and much more telling than having to spend more than $12 for some flowers. After such a display of affection why should he be forced to celebrate Valentine’s Day in addition.

While my exes managed to weasel out of the holiday, I do believe that my friend Emmy received the worst Valentine’s Day gift. Her ex could compete admirably with mine for the title of Louisville Most Selfish Bachelor. She received a dildo that he had made himself in exact replicate of himself. Any man who thinks this is a good idea, it is not. It is not romantic. It is egotistical in the extreme.

Cyrano believes that Valentine’s Day is just about women. The girl’s only obligation is to act very grateful for anything the guy does and then give him a blow job.

I like the idea of Valentine’s Day. I think it is nice idea to want to take a day out of your life to celebrate your relationship. Relationships need work. It is not about buying things, but acknowledging your relationships. However, if your girlfriend has ever had to suffer the indignity of being the only women in an office not to receive flowers, you better send some freakin’ flowers.

My favorite Valentine’s Day was about three years ago, before The Poltroon. It was a Saturday and I spent the day alone with my boys. I made some brownies and drank a bottle of red wine. It was so good.

As for this year we will just have to wait and see, what the day brings.